The rush of dopamine left as quickly as it came.
Whenever I'm in leadership, I feel like I belong; like I matter. I'm active, I'm articulate, and I'm happy...
But whenever I set foot in this godforsaken place with its godforsaken money-leeching programs...I'm timid, self-conscious, and afraid.
I don't like it...everyday I'm afraid of something.
I'm afraid I'm not going to pass chemistry, I'm afraid of my parents' disappointment, afraid of not being good enough.
In this place, I feel confined; desolate. I want to find a family here...I need someone to understand my views on life and the world, and won't condescend me for it. Most of all, I need people to encourage me to leave this dead dream that I'm trying to keep up, and tell me how to do it without hurting my family.
I'm so tired...I just want it to end. I don't think a week-long holiday will make it any better...I don't think a 3-month holiday would do much either. I want it to end. I don't want to be a part of it anymore. I need help.
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