Mornie Utulie

These fishes in the sea they're staring at me

It's not like nobody cares. I just shut them out and make it look like it's their fault.

Pride is a bitch.

It's incredibly tedious and exhausting to wear a mask for every person in your life. Your parents, your school friends, your pretentious classmates, your church friends, your boyfriend, your relatives...

So why the fuck do I do it.
I don't take criticism very well, and I have this obsession over the need to be on good terms with everyone. That's fucking endearing.

It's hard to tell who I can be myself around now. With all these masks,though, it's honestly really fucking difficult to tell who "myself" is. It's like in Legend of Zelda when Link is in the forest temple, and the Poe's make copies of themselves and you have to single out which one's real. (???)

Maybe I stopped growing up the day I made my first mask. It was probably when I did something really bad and tried to cover it up. Coming clean would have been the mature thing to do, right? But fuck no. I made mask after mask after mask after mask...

"Myself" is probably still the same chicken shit little girl who wouldn't admit to getting a D on a fucking 3rd grade crossword puzzle.

I don't like "myself," but "mask-lady" is a fucking try-hard. She's the bitch I don't want to be.

So I guess tonight (or this morning) I'm taking off one of my masks..the mask to myself...finally, a trace of honesty. I feel lighter already.

**LOL*** Masquerade. Sounds like a retreat theme. I'll run it by someone later.