The Mood of Today:

Little do men perceive what solitude is, and how far it extendeth.
For a crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of pictures,
and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love.

- Francis Bacon

Beauty Tips

My Ambitions

On my applications I clearly, brashly proclaim:
1. Major of choice: public health services and Biology.
2. Career of choice: Pediatrician.

Sure I like science, biology has always come to be very easily, and I love kids so much, it's borderline pedophelia...I can see ways to change public health care and how to teach people to take proactive stances with their health. But can I see myself as a pediatricianas clearly as I can see myself as other things?

If no one was looking (namely my family), if money and income was not an issue, there are so many things I want to do with my life.

1. I want to draw and paint shit for like 2 years; ideally not caring if I get paid for it or not...just paint to my heart's content.

2. While I'm still young, I want to star in a broadway show. Sing and dance and act...fuck race! I can play Velma Kelley from Chicago if I want to! >;[

3. I want to be the female, asian, skinny version of Iron Chef Mario Batali. Cooking food, playing with food, presenting food, eating food. Enough said.

4. Spend a few years becoming a virtuoso at the cello...like Jacqueline Dupre. And then become an opera singer like Sarah Brightman and go around the world on tour.

5. At this point in my life I'd be about 40...maybe I'd get married if anybody would still have me.

6. Spend the rest of my life as an art teacher. Or a choir teacher...or a culinary, drama, or dance teacher. Whicheverrr...

I don't understand what's stopping me from going for this layout of my life...I mean I can act, dance, sing, draw, cook... I just don't have the guts to do it :[

Who am I?

I don't think I ask myself this question enough.

Anyway, I was just thinking about where fortune cookies come from. Little, good things in life that's supposed to make someone smile and even change their outlook on certain things. But the fortune cookies are stacked along a conveyor belt and given a half second of treatment for station after station of production, before they're shipped out to consumers.

Maybe I'm just another fortune cookie. I'm supposed to grow up and help change the world...in theory. But these days, school and life go by so fast, I feel like I'm on the conveyor belt, zooming by elementary school, high school, classes, extracurriculars. I'm not gaining the most out of anything and getting a tacky fortune before I'm shipped out into the world to just "exist." A lot of the times, the machines are going so fast, they put the same fortune in two different cookies. Same with public schools. They ingest hopeful, aspiring students and crap out kids who all want to be doctors.

And they call it progress...what's progress when the old generation is teaching the new generation to conform to old ways? UGH.

This is what angels must sound like

We'd be lucky to sound half as good as this at our concert. *sighs blissfully*

Thoughts..

I miss moments like these

*sigh* While I was waiting in line at the counselor's office to pick up my R-40, there was a couple in front of me. The guy was angry at the counselors (and i don't blame him either). He looked contemptuous >.>; intensely so. But then his girlfriend came and stood next to him and gave him a kiss. I'm guessing he cooled off 'cause he turned around to hold her and give her a kiss on the forehead. A complete change in mood and not a single word was said. I was just standing behind them and staring like some awkward third wheel...but dammit I was so jealous :(

So confused about college...

Today I started putting together a research document for college research. I would read it if I only knew what every other word meant =_=. I'm officially fucked.

Birthday wishlist

For those of you having trouble... xD

1. There can never be enough chocolate in my life... (if you wanted to be really original, you could get baking chocolate bars. You'll get cookies by the end of the week.)

2. There can never be enough books in my life. What kind of books, you ask? Whatever's clever :)

3. Cooking supplies are cool. I like knives. LOL jk.

4. Art supplies are cool, too.

5. Food that you think that I haven't tried before. That's REALLY clever, haha xD

6. Takoyaki Pan (it's HELLA expensive, though)

Finished at fucking last!

I got super lazy at the end of this vid (when i started running out of good footage and had to resort to the crappier sort..) but hopefully it turned out alright.

...this too

kekeke.... <3

Always cheers me up

haha...pwn.

Rawr, get in my belly #5: India (a day of deep-fried food...x___x)

We made indian samosas today, which are deep fried. We also made mayonnaise shrimp which are also deep fried. Then my mom made deep fried bananas. I think my arteries have died a thousand times over by now.


the very very salty samosas. The fucking recipe said 2 tsp of salt for the dough! Holy crap... =_=


The mayo shrimp that wasn't salty enough. =_=

And as a bonus, since we were doing India this week, I got us some curry flavored soda. One of those things in life that make you go "hmm.."


It tasted alright...but the shit smelled like B.O.!!

Come on, Dover! Move your bloomin' arse!!!

Long live profanity, muahahahaha... (:

:)

fuck yeah.

The "Holy Shit" movie Julie watched today

I have nothing to say except "HOLY SHIT!"

Just watched this movie

Tita should've stayed with John. Fuck Pedro... oh wait >.> (lol inside joke for those who've seen the ending..bwahaha, I am heinous ;D)

New favorite

awesome dream!!

windupfun (11:46:50 AM): so I was a soldier and I was patroling with my platoon in Vietnam right?
xgeektothec0rex (11:47:14 AM): what the EFF?
xgeektothec0rex (11:47:25 AM): LOOOOOOOOOOOOL
windupfun (11:47:51 AM): LOL
windupfun (11:47:54 AM): shut uppp
windupfun (11:48:33 AM): so anyway
windupfun (11:49:00 AM): so we were hiding in this cramped ass ditch in the side of the road
windupfun (11:50:33 AM): and we were all laying down
windupfun (11:50:40 AM): in a straight line
windupfun (11:50:46 AM): one after the ofer
windupfun (11:50:48 AM): *other
xgeektothec0rex (11:52:24 AM): mhm
windupfun (11:52:37 AM): and then I was lying down next to this guy
windupfun (11:52:48 AM): and our heads were together
windupfun (11:52:55 AM): cuz I didn't want to be staring at his ass
xgeektothec0rex (11:53:14 AM): LOOL
xgeektothec0rex (11:53:14 AM): uhhuh
windupfun (11:53:28 AM): and so we were stuck there for hours and hours
windupfun (11:53:37 AM): and I was like "hey, do you wanna hear a story?"
windupfun (11:53:51 AM): and he was like "sure"
windupfun (11:53:59 AM): and then I told him story after story after story
windupfun (11:54:07 AM): i can't remember them at all
windupfun (11:54:08 AM): xD
xgeektothec0rex (11:54:14 AM): its kay ;D
windupfun (11:54:29 AM): so then we waited out the Viet Cong
windupfun (11:54:41 AM): and we went back to base
windupfun (11:54:48 AM): and the guy kept trying to cover his hands
windupfun (11:54:51 AM): and I told him
windupfun (11:55:27 AM): "you know a persons hands represent the person; what they've done and how they are, etc. Stop trying to cover yourself up"
windupfun (11:55:39 AM): and thats when we were like
windupfun (11:55:40 AM): together
windupfun (11:55:41 AM): LOL
xgeektothec0rex (11:55:42 AM): idk how u come up
xgeektothec0rex (11:55:47 AM): LOL
xgeektothec0rex (11:55:49 AM): HUHHHHHHHHHHHH
windupfun (11:56:00 AM): thats how we "get together" in my dream
windupfun (11:56:01 AM): LOLOLOL
xgeektothec0rex (11:56:09 AM): LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
xgeektothec0rex (11:56:14 AM): funnay
windupfun (11:56:25 AM): yeah so then
windupfun (11:56:33 AM): he told me about our lieutenant
windupfun (11:56:51 AM): and how he spent 100s of dollars buying chocolate for a chocolate bath
windupfun (11:56:52 AM): LOL
windupfun (11:56:55 AM): and then i was like
windupfun (11:57:08 AM): "i know. I was there."
windupfun (11:57:25 AM): then it cuts to a scene with the lieutenant getting his bath ready
xgeektothec0rex (11:57:38 AM): OMG
xgeektothec0rex (11:57:41 AM): THIS IS SO
xgeektothec0rex (11:57:48 AM): interesting
windupfun (11:58:00 AM): haha just wait till you hear this part
windupfun (11:58:05 AM): so he was getting his bath ready
windupfun (11:58:10 AM): and then his general
windupfun (11:58:12 AM): was like
windupfun (11:58:22 AM): "lieutenant! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"
windupfun (11:58:41 AM): and then he ran out
windupfun (11:58:47 AM): and was like being all diva and shit
windupfun (11:59:03 AM): "i worked plenty hard to earnt his bath leave me the fuck alone!!!!"
windupfun (11:59:07 AM): and while he was goe
windupfun (11:59:09 AM): *gone
xgeektothec0rex (11:59:13 AM): LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
windupfun (11:59:32 AM): I walked into the bathroom and got into the bath with my camera (fully clothed)
windupfun (11:59:56 AM): and when the lieutenant came back he was like "finally!" and opened the shower door
windupfun (12:00:07 PM): and I took a picture of him in his girly ass bathing suit
windupfun (12:00:39 PM): and then it cuts back to the conversation with me and my "bf" and I'm taking the picture out of my pocket
windupfun (12:00:51 PM): "this is how I get what I want from the lieutenant"
windupfun (12:00:59 PM): BLACKMAIL BITCH
windupfun (12:01:00 PM): xDD
xgeektothec0rex (12:01:17 PM): OH FUDGE
xgeektothec0rex (12:01:22 PM): U CAN WRITE A BOOK
xgeektothec0rex (12:01:25 PM): ABOUT THIS
windupfun (12:01:32 PM): hahahaha!
windupfun (12:01:38 PM): okay and there was this one l ast part
windupfun (12:01:44 PM): we were patroling again
windupfun (12:01:47 PM): things were going awesome
windupfun (12:01:52 PM): I was telling stories to my bf
windupfun (12:01:58 PM): like all the time
windupfun (12:02:02 PM): and then!
windupfun (12:02:05 PM): all of a sudden!
windupfun (12:02:14 PM): The Viet Cong captures us!
windupfun (12:02:19 PM): and we become POWs
windupfun (12:04:06 PM): they take us to this compound
windupfun (12:04:22 PM): and they make us do these weird ass rituals
windupfun (12:04:36 PM): like worshipping their God/ Buddha/ whatever
xgeektothec0rex (12:04:55 PM): whats
xgeektothec0rex (12:04:58 PM): OH NCM
xgeektothec0rex (12:05:00 PM): NVM*
xgeektothec0rex (12:05:01 PM): LOL
xgeektothec0rex (12:05:04 PM): thats
windupfun (12:05:05 PM): HAHA
xgeektothec0rex (12:05:05 PM): horrible
xgeektothec0rex (12:05:06 PM): D:
windupfun (12:05:18 PM): yeah so there was this one part where we all had to get in line
windupfun (12:05:31 PM): and take turns going up to this altar/ shrine thing and kiss the ground
windupfun (12:05:42 PM): ironically sr lan was there LOL
windupfun (12:05:58 PM): and thats when my mom woke me up

Rawr, get in my belly #4: Korea & #5: Italy

Today was the best day I've had so far this summer...but I think pictures speak louder than words :)
Jjajiangmyun (Korean black noodles):









My dad made the pizza. He's such a McGyver when it comes to cooking. He ran out of pizza sauce so he mixed V8, tomato paste and ketchup. Pretty darn good! xD

Summer "fun"

yes...fun from scrubbing dishes. But hey, whatever floats the boat right? hahaha





Something about this image makes it so fulfilling... I think I'll name it "Mt. DANGerous"

In your face, Leslie!!

And now you know what I did with those chocolate chips :D

First Monday of summer (pt. 2) + Rawr, get in my belly #3: Thailand!

So my sister and I were both done with our chores and were waiting for lunch. My dad usually comes home with food from the truck, but today he'd told me that my mom had told him that "Julie was a good girl and made her sister lunch already."
....WHAT?!
So, of course, Julie was a bad girl and didn't make lunch yet. Therefore, Stephanie and Julie, two starved children, raided the refrigerator to see what they could make. They found the following: peanut butter, tofu, green onions, mushrooms, and Siracha sauce. They then decided to make Thai peanut noodles. And that's exactly what they did. TADA!!!!



And how did they manage to digest all of that food?



Laundry. Lots of laundry.

First Monday of Summer!!

I was supposed to get up at 6:30 to make breakfast in time so my dad could have some too. I ended up waking up at 8:30. Gahh...=___=" Oh well...he missed out on blueberry waffles!!! :D



Oh man...if I keep eating like this I am gonna be immobile by the end of the week.

Thinking aloud

It's 2:10 am; about 4 hours past my bedtime. But hey, who's counting? xD
Summer came and brought along company-- boredom, idleness, and laziness. Not to mention the unwelcome idea of thunder thighs. Alas, I prattle. I'm actually looking forward to this summer. First of all, my mom, sister, and I are going on a tour of the east coast. That means DC and NYC, biiaaatch xD. I'm so excited! Also my first camping trip with Leadership...I am anticipating the s'mores most of all.

I'm going to be doing a lot of cooking too; gonna pick up on Project: Rawr, get in my belly. (hahaha..)

Project L^4 is officially dying. I'm still waiting on the new camera, but it doesn't look like it's heading my way anytime soon >.>.

Reading is also going to be on the agenda for the summer, as is writing a personal statement, applying for scholarships, and maybe getting a job.

Whatever it is, I'm glad i don't have to worry so much about school anymore (at least, for the time being...) Yayyyyy <3

I can't remember which number this is

In love with this song

Reading List

The Stranger; Alice's Adventures in Wonderland; My Antonia; Don Quixote; The Awakening; Heart of Darkness; The Red Badge of Courage; Robinson Crusoe; Great Expectations; A Tale of Two Cities; Crime and Punishment; The Mill on the Floss; Invisible Man; The Sound and the Fury; Light in August; Absalom, Absalom; The Great Gatsby; Tom Jones; Madame Bovary; A Passage to India; A Room with a View; Howard's End; One Hundred Years of Solitude; Lord of the Flies; Tess of the D'Urbervilles; The Return of the Native; The Scarlet Letter; A Farewill to Arms; Their Eyes Were Watching God; Brave New World; The Turn of the Screw; A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man; Ulysses; The Dubliners; The Trial; Sons and Lovers; Babbitt; War and Peace; Fathers and Sons; The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn; Rabbit Run; Candide; Slaughterhouse Five; The Color Purple; Thirteen Stories (by Eudora Welty); The Age of Innocence; The House of Mirth; To the Lighthouse; A Room of One's Own; Native Son; Cry, the Beloved Country; A Good Man is Hard to Find; Sula; Beloved; Moby-Dick; The Assistant; Frankenstein; Ivanhoe; The Catcher in the Rye; The Grapes of Wrath; Gulliver's Travels; Vanity Fair.

bad a**!!!!

Just a thought

Story time :)

I walked into my tutoring place today to find that my classmates were more painfully bored than usual. It was only 10 minutes into class and they were already pigging out on Taco Bell.

We run on this system--one person buys the taco bell drink and whoever is the one to kill it has to go get a refill. Today it was Jonathan's turn, so I went with him to go get a refill and pick up cinnamon twists for Bryan. For some reason, Jonathan took like 5 straws back...so I thought it was a good idea to start an epic spitball war.

The manager lady was walking by as we were engaged in combat (LOL @ terminology). She told me "This is why girls shouldn't play with boys..." (Effin' whatever! Kekekee....) So about 3-4 minutes into the spitball war, I ran out of ammo (I used the straw wrapper). I locked myself in the bathroom hoping to wait them out. 5 minutes later, I could still hear them shooting spitballs at the door. So I resorted to plan B--effin' surrender. Kickin' it McGyver, I tied toilet paper to my straw to make a white flag. When I came out, they all laughed and was like "THAT was what you were doing in there?"
...and so (shamefully) ended the epic spitball war.

We spent the rest of the day picking on Randy the freshman xD. He's so fun to tease; he takes everything you say so seriously LOL <3

Thao With The Get Down Stay Down

*pew pew*

Rawr, get in my belly #2: China!

So Leslie and Arlene came over to make orange chicken.

One thing to say: Holy shit, never put wet chicken into hot oil. BAD!

When they came over we sat and chilled for a bit. First time my sister and I tried hot cheetos and cream cheese. Fucking amazing! Then we watched Sweeney Todd...which isn't the best movie to watch when you're hanging out...and if you're cutting raw chicken. Guh...

Haha, the whole cooking experience was hella fun but equally disastrous. The flour burned in the pot and the whole house was filled with the smell of smoke. And when we tried to take out all the burnt stuff the oil started hella bubbling. Hmm...deep frying is a tricky business.

Sorry, no picture this time! Dx I got lazy after all the cooking/ cleaning that I just wanted to friggin eat!!
But here...it's an orange chicken :D

Rawr, get in my belly #1: Japan!

hahahahaha...I laughed for 2 straight minutes on that title ^^^^

Leslie and I made Japanese Tempura some 3 weeks ago. It was a day of firsts:

1. Leslie's first time cooking a full blown meal. *Confetti!!*
2. My first time going grocery shopping. Whoo, independence!
3. First time my parents didn't have to cook (well..without going out or ordering out, etc...)

note: LOTS of late posts

This was hella days ago LOL. This was for a potluck for AP lit a few weeks ago. Best. Potluck. EVER. It was a basic potluck with one rule: everything you bring has to be homemade. EFF YEAH xDD



So what started out as a disaster...


...turned out to be pretty frickin' legit!

*side note: Today, my mom told me about when the Vietnamese royalty would eat like a 5+ course meal every night. I told her "how do you know, mom? Where you THERE?" She got mad at me and told me to get back to work. She doesn't like it when I make fun of her age. ;D <3 you, Mommy

blah O__O

aw hell naw...

Whowas the jerk behind this?!

LOL

Omg...I should stop smiling to myself during class. It wasn't that funny! Dx

...and Depeche Mode

I love Bon Jovi... :D

ACADEMY OF VILLAINS

<333333333333333333333333333333

love lovelovelovleolehfdkjshakgha

IgNite a Hope was a success!

I'm so proud of Project1Life and ultimately to be a part of putting together IgNite a Hope.It was worth all the F-bombs and the stress and the late night meetings. It feels good to be working solely for the purpose of helping people and damn it feels good!!! Better than an A+ on a test, I'd have to say; and for an asian that is something HUGE.

It was a great time despite the freezing weather. Thay Thang let me borrow his jacket, but I can't give it back to him until camping Dx. That's a long time without a jacket! All of the performers were great sports and they gave it their best performances. I'm so happy I got April Chase's autographs. I never really heard their music before, but after last night...well, they've gotten themselves a new fan :) Jenny Suk was amazing too. I've noticed that after her first performance, people were all cuddling together close to the stage and starting to really enjoy the chill atmosphere that we were aiming to achieve. All I have to say about the dance crews...they made me want to be like them Dx

The guests were awesome sports too. They endured ice cold wind and stayed past 9:00 to see our videos. I even saw that a few of them stayed behind to help us clean up. :D :D :D Honestly, without them, there would have been no point in having the concert. Free love! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

People might say I'm crazy, but I can't wait to do this next year xD

Ramble (can't remember what number I was on)

I know, I promised not to bitch about it but I can't help myself. I told my mom the benefit concert was moved to La San just now. Should have seen the look on her face. Classic "I told you so" look. Like she was waiting for us to fail. FUCKING GAH. Then she started judging our leadership leader like he's gone crazy. "So...WHO'S idea was it to put on this charity event? Hai right?" FUCKING WANTED TO SLAP HER. Then she started lecturing me about how I wasted all my time for a charity event that might not even happen. "so, all your grades went down FOR NOTHING"
FUCKING CHRIST!!!!

ho-hum...

la dee dahh

This song makes me laugh kekekeke

Ramble #3

I HATE it how adults think the didactic relationship with "younger people" is a one way deal-- they believe that children are a blank slate they can write whatever they want on. That is not the fucking case!!! What they don't realize is they are not the only source of information/wisdom available to their kids. And I think that idea scares them shitless. I think that's why the so-called "asian parents" shelter their kids so much--so that whatever their children learn will be soley what they teach them. That sort of attitude, the way I see it, comes from 2 main things-- xenophobia and straight up pig-headed pride.

The way parents see their relationship with their kids is this: they're the teacher, and you're the student. You're too childish to know anything about how to handle the world. ETC. ETC. ETC... (this is where they usually start lecturing)

What I don't understand is what they mean by "childish." I think the term "childish" is, in a way, stereotyping the way we see children, and ultimately younger people--they are stupid and they don't know enough to make the right decisions. The problem is these attitudes aren't just limited to younger people. I mean, if you look at the history of all mankind, what do you get? Imperialism (like little kids arguing over candy), The Cold War ("give me what I want or I'll blow up your country"), George Bush (need I say more? >.>)...all stupid decisions made by adults.

I'm pretty sure many adults realize this, but they just refuse to accept it. Seriously, if they want their kids to be exactly like them, they should just find a way to make asexual reproduction happen. EFFING CHRIST...

I guess my whole point is that maybe adults should start accepting that while there is plenty to teach younger people, they can have a whole lot to learn FROM them.

haha, I'm just ass-hurt about my mom finding my progress report. She lectured me but wouldn't let me talk. So I guess this is more of a rant than a ramble. WHATEVER I'M DUN.

L^4 Update

Still waiting on the new camera...I don't want to take anymore pictures with the paper weight of a camera I have right now cause those pictures SUCK HUGE EFFING BALLS. Hahaha...so yeah I hope that helps (to whoever wanted to know)

Don't know what to think...*sigh*

This is my reality...but do I want to accept it?



Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Project Livin' Love, Lovin' Life

AKA (L)^4

The challenge? Take pictures of things I see everyday that remind me of one of my friends. There are two objectives I want to accomplish with this-- one is to appreciate the little details in life. The second is to kind of appreciate my friends through how I see them in the things around me.

Well, if anything, it'll help me with my photography skills..LOL

GOAL:
100 friends by the end of the summer!

RULE OF THUMB:
No half-assing anyone's picture!

As of today: 3 down, 97 to go!

Ramble #2

In huge ways, I love being at the age where I begin to develop my own ideals and beliefs. I don't know, I find that I'm starting to deviate from the "conformist" ideas that I've grown up with-- success is the main goal of life, education is the only path to that success, and your happiness depends on the stability of your paycheck.

First of all, I don't understand what my parents believe success to be. My mom tells me time and time again how her sisters are obsessed with money and she doesn't approve of their materialistic lifestyle at all. Why, then, does she pressure me into getting the highest-paying job she can think of? Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be a pediatrician... I love kids and I'm pretty good at science, but I lack the dedication. And I'm guessing that's because it's not something I truly want to do.

What I wanted from being a pediactrician is the experience; working with the children, and being a part of their lives...like being a half-parent to 30 kids. I wanted to help people. But these expectations from the work, the tests, the grades, all this technicality thats taking away from the purpose.

Maybe that's why I "lack discipline" or "don't take what matters seriously." But, honestly, "what matters" is what my parents think matters--their definition of "success"; and it's starting to take a toll on my mentality...why do you think people feel as if they fail in life? Because they don't meet their parents' expectations. So now I feel like I'm only working to please my parents; but it doesn't seem to be working. My scores can't please them, and I feel, to be blunt, fucking miserable.

The only break, and ultimately, a true purpose in life that I get from all the talk of math class, SAT scores, GPA, college applications is Leadership. Leadership is pretty much the satisfaction that I wanted out of being a pediatrician-helping people. But after a brief "talk" with my mom earlier, I found out that "if my grades start dropping, leadership is done." So, basically, my happiness is going to be bartered away for my "success." Excuse me if I'm wrong for calling that bullshit.

*sigh* I guess what I'm trying to say is that I miss having a normal conversation with my parents; something that has nothing to do with school or my future or whatever. I'm sick of being put on the guilt trip of "your father and I work so hard just to see you do well in school" or "your father and I don't work so hard to see you get B's in school" as if I didn't care how hard they were working. I see my dad come home everyday sick and exhausted from working two jobs, and I see my mom wake up at 3 everymorning to go to work. They don't realize how bad I feel to ask them for anything. But I just hate that the only way I can make them happy is to bring back a good report card.

But they have to realize that I can't spend my whole life trying to please them; they've given me the foundation...but now I need room to grow.

Happy B-Day Lyndsey!!!

A little back-story: Lyndsey loves Big Bang. She adores them. She fawns over them. She just can't get enough! *wink wink* So for her b-day, I decided to make her one of those mobiles with her favorite Big Bang member climbing down a rope "to meet her in her dreams." LOL...this is what I do instead of buying gifts for people Dx

But anyways, I wish Lyndsey a happy, HAPPY b-day :D

Happy B-day, Anh Huy!!

Haha, this was hella days ago, actually, but I forgot to post it. It's my first time doing a full-blown painting and it came out alright. Yeee :D

Random Update

Haha, it's funny how I "update" people... who am I even updating? Heh. A better title for this would be "Sanity Check." WHATEVER. I feel like an unjustified whiny beezy sometimes, but what the heck? =_=

Work is plenty, but setting it all asid E
To find, inside me, the strength not to screa M
But there is something that my head does still kee P
Something that makes me, in a second, turn to shi T
Something that somehow still makes me cr Y

omg, I need to get over this already... there's no point anymore!! I shouldn't be missing something that probably doesn't miss me back, yes?

Don't get me wrong.. it was wonderful while it lasted. I'll just take what was good from it and cherish it. Hopefully that will make me feel better. :D

4/9/10

Got myself a prom dress! My mom, sister, and I went through 3 dresses before we could find the right one. If only my bust line wasn't so ridiculously large... >:[
Whatever! It's all over now. I got the dress and I made friends with a sushi guy in the food court. He was so nice! He told me how to operate the soy sauce machine. Well, actually he was signaling me from across the booth that I needed to push down on the top of the damn thing instead of poking at it randomly. Eh, same diff =__=

I can't wait for prom. Gonna go with a bunch of girl friends and have the time of our lives. :)

It's going to be a good day today.

"The best way to predict the future is to create it."

Rambling

I have no idea what I did wrong to make my sister into such a spoiled little brat. She needs to stop hanging out with those friends of hers. I have become so weak that even my 8 year old sister thinks she has power over me. Whatever, I'm not letting her go to the movies today. SPITE! >:D

Whatever the case, the sun will keep rising and setting as it always had whether I fail at life or not. But I'd rather it did stop...

A friend told me that I can't expect anyone to love me if I don't first love myself. Maybe I should try this out so I can move the hell on...

I'm sorry for the last post...

I made him sound worse than he really is. While I need the space, I won't forget how good he's been to me. And hopefully if circumstances are right we might try again in the future. Besides, I promised I wouldn't hate him.

I'm sorry for the shit I caused, Peter. I hope you won't hate me for this.

To my beloved,

I despise you. Go. Fuck. Yourself. ((late censor. Oops.))

You made me cry for the last fucking time. I swear, and God smite me, I will never cry another fucking night over you.
Tell me when I'm more worthless to you than I already am because I don't want to waste your time or my time. So tell me before I change my mind and start puckering and groveling again. You have made me into the most pathetic thing I have ever seen. Thank you for finally helping me to realize that.

This is probably going to be my mentality until tomorrow morning, when I turn back into the sniveling piece of sucker I've always been for him. I can never confront him about this...and when I do, it's always ineffective. It always turns out to be my fault that I see these things in the relationship...but I can't be totally delusional can I?

I mean, I can barely keep a conversation with him for more than 15 minutes (what am I doing differently with him than with my other friends??). I see him once every month or two and it's always such a struggle to have time ALONE-alone with him (what with his friends calling everytime I have time with him), period. It's like I have to get in line to get priority or whatever. I know this may seem a bit like "omg wtf she's a freak"-status. But seriously...is a relationship supposed to make you cry more than you laugh? Are you supposed to miss someone so much, you come off as freakishly clingy? Are you supposed to feel lonely and insignificant? Is it even supposed to get to that point? Am I fucking doing this right?

When people ask me how we are, I'm too pig-headed to say that I'm dissatisfied or upset about how I haven't seen much of him in weeks... and sometimes I'm really not. I guess it's just that I'm clinging to the hope that the next time I see him, he can prove to me that he does care. And that is basically why I'm still in. But should it take THIS much waiting...? It's our year and a half in 3 days... we shall see.

I thought true love would come to me the first time.

Corny line...but it does the job well.
I am truly in the depths of despair. LOL ironically my last post was about me not being dependent on others' sympathy...

eh. Back to work.

You're on your own, Julie.

There's nobody you can truly depend on but yourself, and sometimes I tend to forget that because I've become so dependent on other people. Like, how many times a day do I complain to people about my problems? And now that I think about it, what could they possibly have said to change anything? Sure, they could tell me things and make me feel better (and God love you all for that :]) but ultimately, I'm the one who has to deal with my own shit.

I like the example of doing homework. Hypothetically the teacher assigns it to YOU, making it YOUR godamn homework. Let's call this the "problem." Now, youc an deal with it however you damn well please. Ideally, you would do it on your own, but there comes the evil time where you find it too difficult to do. So you consult a friend. Your friend could teach it to you and help you understand it or they could just let you copy it. Let's call that good and bad advice (respectively). But in the end, your friend can't do the work for you. The assignment is written in your hand and has your name on it. Enjoyed my analogy didn't you?

So the point? I'm not trying to preach anything to anybody before I've practiced it myself. Maybe being more self-sufficient isn't such a bad idea. WE'll see how this goes...will it make or break Julie?

whoop-dee-damn-doo

My dad's godawful sick... might have to go to the hospital. So I'm trying to finish hw early so i can sleep and wake up early to make breakfast and lunch tomorrow. *sigh* Problem is I still have a math presentation to finish and I don't know where my group is.

Trying my best to get chores done and good grades flowing in. I've sold my soul to this "life" and damn, it's BORING AS FUCK! The only reprieve I get is Leadership on Saturdays and lunchtime with friends everyday...which isn't less than what I deserve. Even though I don't get a lot of time to hang out, I still enjoy having time for myself...cooking!! :D

*sigh* I looove cooking, it's meditation for me; especially baking...it's good to know that when you mix together eggs, flour, butter, and sugar and put it in a 350 degree oven, you'll be fatter than a wildebeest by the end of the week. It's not the best effect to a cause, but it's an answer all the same. It's good to know what's going to happen every once in awhile...

*sigh*

Maybe I'm just not worth his fucking time. He can't come to see me anymore. I love him and all...but how long am I willing to wait for him?

Why does he think he can just put me off? Am I supposed to be ok with this? Maybe it's my fault...for being such a sucker for him (and that goes both fucking ways). Maybe that's why he thinks I'm always going to be there...maybe it's time to change all that.

Julie Dang, stop being a push over. If you want out, say so. He'll understand eventually... that there's only so many nights of crying yourself to sleep you can take.

Thank You :]

For all those who talk to me a lot, you guys probably know why I've been so out of it. Things have been pretty stressful lately, but it's not just the workload from school and stuff. Trying to be there for everyone is tough, and I want you guys to know that if I don't respond to your IMs on AIM or whatever, I'm not ignoring you, haha. I'm just busy or trying to deal with the things on my plate. And for all of you who are there for me when I break down and freak out, you guys are the best :D

Just wanted to let you know I really appreciate it :]

#4

*sigh* Confuzzled.

confused about math
confused about french
confused about life
confused about love
confused about friends.


hmmm...meditative picture. Where are the poeple walking?



...confused?

phew! :D

Zombie status.

Haha, school's been really hectic lately. 3 B's! Is that BS or is that BS???
Furthermore, I have 16 days to study for the SAT. Shooting for above 1500 D:



*HEAD TO DESK*


With the current events my state of being has been reduced to something that looks like this at 2 in the morning:



So ready for another break...=__=

Blunt Logic.

friend (11:01:00 PM): how can you day dream when it's dark outside?
windupfun (11:01:44 PM): the day hasn't ended until I get my ass in bed.
windupfun (11:03:46 PM): therefore, I can daydream all I want until I dream for real
windupfun (11:03:49 PM): right?

hahah >D

Last Day of vacation...

What's a better way to start it than with a power breakfast?? >:D




haha, just a fun little pic. This was the ugly duckling of the batch.

Thank you

Baise m'encor, rebaise-moi et baise;
Donne m'en un de tes plus savoureux,
Donne m'en un de tes plus amoureux:
Je t'en rendrai quatre plus chauds que braise.

Las! te plains-tu? Ça, que ce mal j'apaise,
En t'en donnant dix autres doucereux.
Ainsi, mêlant nos baisers tant heureux,
Jouissons-nous l'un de l'autre à notre aise.

Lors double vie à chacun en suivra.
Chacun en soi et son ami vivra.
Permets m'Amour penser quelque folie:

Toujours suis mal, vivant discrètement
Et ne me puis donner contentement
Si hors de moi ne fais quelque saillie.

Translation (roughly):

Kiss me again, kiss, kiss me again;
Give me the tastiest you have to give,
Pay me the lovingest you have to spend:
And Ill return you four, hotter than live
Coals. Oh, are you sad ? There! Ill ease
The pain with ten more kisses, honey-sweet,
And so kiss into happy kiss will melt,
Well pleasantly enjoy each others selves.
Then double life will to us both ensue:
You also live in me, as I in you.
So do not chide me for this play on words
Or keep me staid and stay-at-home, but make me
Go on that journey best of all preferred:
When out of myself, my dearest love, you take me.

rawr!

stupid french project. Gah.

#3

I need your arms around me, I need to feel your touch
I need your understanding, I need your love so much
You tell me that you love me so, you tell me that you care
But when I need you baby, youre never there

On the phone long, long distance
Always through such strong resistance
First you say youre too busy
I wonder if you even miss me

Never there
Youre never there
Youre never, ever, ever, ever there

A golden bird that flies away, a candles fickle flame
To think I held you yesterday, your love was just a game
A golden bird that flies away, a candles fickle flame
To think I held you yesterday, your love was just a game

You tell me that you love me so, you tell me that you care
But when I need you baby
Take the time to get to know me
If you want me why cant you just show me
Were always on this roller coaster
If you want me why cant you get closer?

Never there
Youre never there
Youre never ever ever ever there

I love the Foundations

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down)and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

"I'll be over at ten", you told me time and again
But you're late, I wait around and then (bah-dah-dah)
I run to the door, I can't take any more
It's not you, you let me down again

(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find
(Hey, hey, hey!) A little time, and I'll make you happy
(Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home
I'll be beside the phone waiting for you
Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

To you I'm a toy but I could be the boy you adore
If you'd just let me know (bah-dah-dah)
Although you're untrue, I'm attracted to you all the more
Why do I need you so

(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find
(Hey, hey, hey!) A little time and I'll make you happy
(Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home
I'll be beside the phone waiting for you
Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

I-I-I need you-oo-oo more than anyone, baby
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

Scored some German Chocolate.

Actually, this stuff was apparently manufactured in Italy, but hey "Kinderschokolade"! (Kinder is child, and schokolade is chocolate)

I got this from Manila market. I was looking around for a snack and this pacakging caught my eye. It was a blonde haired blue-eyed boy with the whitest teeth I have ever seen. Propaganda? Haha, jk. The chocolate is delicious though. It's like a chocolate-covered white rabbit candy bar, and the packaging on the inside is adorable. All the chocolate bars are individually wrapped. I still have one bar left, and no I'm not sharing! >:[

Fruit of Labor...Surprise, honey bunny!

Things I love (in honor of feb 14)

1. Adventure
2. Fun
3. my bed
4. cream cheese frosting
5. warm clothes straight from the clothes dryer
6. The moments at night right before I fall asleep.
7. SWEETS.
8. bell chimes
9. sleeping and waking up naturally, without an alarm clock.
10. being in love

Watch those 60's mod men prance. And smile. :D

Life from the back of my eyelids.

Since this video isn't very visually entertaining, I'll give you guys something to read while you listen to the song.

"When I am small." I don't think "small" as in inferior. I think it more of a kind of thing where you retreat away from others into a sanctuary that you know the best, and discover yourself...I love this song to pieces not only for its neo-psychedelic rock vibe, but I feel like a hippie listening to it. And no, I don't mean I'm going to smoke hookas and wear bell bottom pants and all that. I feel as if no one is forcing me to speak, and that I can just retreat into my head and let my thoughts wander off. And why not? It's good to have some time for yourself to spend alone and reset. It's Saturday. Just chill.

#2

Music has always been more articulate than I've ever been.

"The rain rains on everyone. The Sun shines on everyone"

My new joy-luck quote. The thing I say when things seem to go to crap.

The rain raining on everyone is not meant to be some meanlingless emo cliche. Hard times are inevitable, so it's safe to assume that everyone will see them in their lifetimes. It's kind of a reminder to me that I'm not the only one in the world who's going through their own personal hell...and it's feels good to know that there are people out there who will understand what you're going through.

You can apply the same concept for "The sun shines on everyone"... no, I don't mean that everyone cavorts in the sunlight in a gay(happy) stupor. I mean that everyone gets their share of sunshine, one time or another. If you're dealing with crap, just know that there's something good waiting for you around the corner. And again, it feels good to know that there are people out there who can share your happiness.

For those of you who talk to me often..now you know why I've gone all Confucius with the proverbs.