Happy B-Day Lyndsey!!!

A little back-story: Lyndsey loves Big Bang. She adores them. She fawns over them. She just can't get enough! *wink wink* So for her b-day, I decided to make her one of those mobiles with her favorite Big Bang member climbing down a rope "to meet her in her dreams." LOL...this is what I do instead of buying gifts for people Dx

But anyways, I wish Lyndsey a happy, HAPPY b-day :D

Happy B-day, Anh Huy!!

Haha, this was hella days ago, actually, but I forgot to post it. It's my first time doing a full-blown painting and it came out alright. Yeee :D

Random Update

Haha, it's funny how I "update" people... who am I even updating? Heh. A better title for this would be "Sanity Check." WHATEVER. I feel like an unjustified whiny beezy sometimes, but what the heck? =_=

Work is plenty, but setting it all asid E
To find, inside me, the strength not to screa M
But there is something that my head does still kee P
Something that makes me, in a second, turn to shi T
Something that somehow still makes me cr Y

omg, I need to get over this already... there's no point anymore!! I shouldn't be missing something that probably doesn't miss me back, yes?

Don't get me wrong.. it was wonderful while it lasted. I'll just take what was good from it and cherish it. Hopefully that will make me feel better. :D

4/9/10

Got myself a prom dress! My mom, sister, and I went through 3 dresses before we could find the right one. If only my bust line wasn't so ridiculously large... >:[
Whatever! It's all over now. I got the dress and I made friends with a sushi guy in the food court. He was so nice! He told me how to operate the soy sauce machine. Well, actually he was signaling me from across the booth that I needed to push down on the top of the damn thing instead of poking at it randomly. Eh, same diff =__=

I can't wait for prom. Gonna go with a bunch of girl friends and have the time of our lives. :)

It's going to be a good day today.

"The best way to predict the future is to create it."

Rambling

I have no idea what I did wrong to make my sister into such a spoiled little brat. She needs to stop hanging out with those friends of hers. I have become so weak that even my 8 year old sister thinks she has power over me. Whatever, I'm not letting her go to the movies today. SPITE! >:D

Whatever the case, the sun will keep rising and setting as it always had whether I fail at life or not. But I'd rather it did stop...

A friend told me that I can't expect anyone to love me if I don't first love myself. Maybe I should try this out so I can move the hell on...

I'm sorry for the last post...

I made him sound worse than he really is. While I need the space, I won't forget how good he's been to me. And hopefully if circumstances are right we might try again in the future. Besides, I promised I wouldn't hate him.

I'm sorry for the shit I caused, Peter. I hope you won't hate me for this.

To my beloved,

I despise you. Go. Fuck. Yourself. ((late censor. Oops.))

You made me cry for the last fucking time. I swear, and God smite me, I will never cry another fucking night over you.
Tell me when I'm more worthless to you than I already am because I don't want to waste your time or my time. So tell me before I change my mind and start puckering and groveling again. You have made me into the most pathetic thing I have ever seen. Thank you for finally helping me to realize that.

This is probably going to be my mentality until tomorrow morning, when I turn back into the sniveling piece of sucker I've always been for him. I can never confront him about this...and when I do, it's always ineffective. It always turns out to be my fault that I see these things in the relationship...but I can't be totally delusional can I?

I mean, I can barely keep a conversation with him for more than 15 minutes (what am I doing differently with him than with my other friends??). I see him once every month or two and it's always such a struggle to have time ALONE-alone with him (what with his friends calling everytime I have time with him), period. It's like I have to get in line to get priority or whatever. I know this may seem a bit like "omg wtf she's a freak"-status. But seriously...is a relationship supposed to make you cry more than you laugh? Are you supposed to miss someone so much, you come off as freakishly clingy? Are you supposed to feel lonely and insignificant? Is it even supposed to get to that point? Am I fucking doing this right?

When people ask me how we are, I'm too pig-headed to say that I'm dissatisfied or upset about how I haven't seen much of him in weeks... and sometimes I'm really not. I guess it's just that I'm clinging to the hope that the next time I see him, he can prove to me that he does care. And that is basically why I'm still in. But should it take THIS much waiting...? It's our year and a half in 3 days... we shall see.