I thought true love would come to me the first time.

Corny line...but it does the job well.
I am truly in the depths of despair. LOL ironically my last post was about me not being dependent on others' sympathy...

eh. Back to work.

You're on your own, Julie.

There's nobody you can truly depend on but yourself, and sometimes I tend to forget that because I've become so dependent on other people. Like, how many times a day do I complain to people about my problems? And now that I think about it, what could they possibly have said to change anything? Sure, they could tell me things and make me feel better (and God love you all for that :]) but ultimately, I'm the one who has to deal with my own shit.

I like the example of doing homework. Hypothetically the teacher assigns it to YOU, making it YOUR godamn homework. Let's call this the "problem." Now, youc an deal with it however you damn well please. Ideally, you would do it on your own, but there comes the evil time where you find it too difficult to do. So you consult a friend. Your friend could teach it to you and help you understand it or they could just let you copy it. Let's call that good and bad advice (respectively). But in the end, your friend can't do the work for you. The assignment is written in your hand and has your name on it. Enjoyed my analogy didn't you?

So the point? I'm not trying to preach anything to anybody before I've practiced it myself. Maybe being more self-sufficient isn't such a bad idea. WE'll see how this goes...will it make or break Julie?

whoop-dee-damn-doo

My dad's godawful sick... might have to go to the hospital. So I'm trying to finish hw early so i can sleep and wake up early to make breakfast and lunch tomorrow. *sigh* Problem is I still have a math presentation to finish and I don't know where my group is.

Trying my best to get chores done and good grades flowing in. I've sold my soul to this "life" and damn, it's BORING AS FUCK! The only reprieve I get is Leadership on Saturdays and lunchtime with friends everyday...which isn't less than what I deserve. Even though I don't get a lot of time to hang out, I still enjoy having time for myself...cooking!! :D

*sigh* I looove cooking, it's meditation for me; especially baking...it's good to know that when you mix together eggs, flour, butter, and sugar and put it in a 350 degree oven, you'll be fatter than a wildebeest by the end of the week. It's not the best effect to a cause, but it's an answer all the same. It's good to know what's going to happen every once in awhile...

*sigh*

Maybe I'm just not worth his fucking time. He can't come to see me anymore. I love him and all...but how long am I willing to wait for him?

Why does he think he can just put me off? Am I supposed to be ok with this? Maybe it's my fault...for being such a sucker for him (and that goes both fucking ways). Maybe that's why he thinks I'm always going to be there...maybe it's time to change all that.

Julie Dang, stop being a push over. If you want out, say so. He'll understand eventually... that there's only so many nights of crying yourself to sleep you can take.

Thank You :]

For all those who talk to me a lot, you guys probably know why I've been so out of it. Things have been pretty stressful lately, but it's not just the workload from school and stuff. Trying to be there for everyone is tough, and I want you guys to know that if I don't respond to your IMs on AIM or whatever, I'm not ignoring you, haha. I'm just busy or trying to deal with the things on my plate. And for all of you who are there for me when I break down and freak out, you guys are the best :D

Just wanted to let you know I really appreciate it :]

#4

*sigh* Confuzzled.

confused about math
confused about french
confused about life
confused about love
confused about friends.


hmmm...meditative picture. Where are the poeple walking?



...confused?