Today is the Day my Dream Came True

I got an offer letter to be a full time graphic designer. My mom said she was so proud of me. *SINGLE TEAR*

Change

Everything's just about ready--the new room's built, dad's back in Texas, mom's studying, Steph's almost done at Quimby, and Luna's outside taking a shit.

(Note: It's been a long time since I've written one of these. Get off my dick.)

Oh yes, everything's about ready for things to either get better, get worse, or get worse before they get better. Whatever may be the case, winter is coming for the house of Dang.

My dad is a chicken farmer, my volatile mother is headed kamikaze for a half-baked career path to being a nail technician, and my sister is going to live with the two of them in a shit shack in the white washed ass crack of mother fucking Texas. And after all the fanfare and pomp and circumstance that comes with graduation, I'm going to be left as a tenant in my parents' house to starting chipping away at the family debt. And yet, no matter how much I think I do to make everyone happy, why is no one ever happy enough?  The snide comments about my schooling, my career path, my weight... well, it sucks. It really fucking sucks.

I'm backed into a corner, I'm angry, I'm scared and I don't know what to do.

Words I know my dad wishes he could say to his two princesses.

Dear Cutie-Pie, Recently, your mother and I were searching for an answer on Google. Halfway through entering the question, Google returned a list of the most popular searches in the world. Perched at the top of the list was “How to keep him interested.” It startled me. I scanned several of the countless articles about how to be sexy and sexual, when to bring him a beer versus a sandwich, and the ways to make him feel smart and superior. And I got angry. Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to “keep him interested.” Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul—in that unshakeable place that isn’t rattled by rejection and loss and ego—that you are worthy of interest. (If you can remember that everyone else is worthy of interest also, the battle of your life will be mostly won. But that is a letter for another day.) If you can trust your worth in this way, you will be attractive in the most important sense of the word: you will attract a boy who is both capable of interest and who wants to spend his one life investing all of his interest in you. Little One, I want to tell you about the boy who doesn’t need to be kept interested, because he knows you are interesting: I don’t care if he puts his elbows on the dinner table—as long as he puts his eyes on the way your nose scrunches when you smile. And then can’t stop looking. I don’t care if he can’t play a bit of golf with me—as long as he can play with the children you give him and revel in all the glorious and frustrating ways they are just like you. I don’t care if he doesn’t follow his wallet—as long as he follows his heart and it always leads him back to you. I don’t care if he is strong—as long as he gives you the space to exercise the strength that is in your heart. I couldn’t care less how he votes—as long as he wakes up every morning and daily elects you to a place of honor in your home and a place of reverence in his heart. I don’t care about the color of his skin—as long as he paints the canvas of your lives with brushstrokes of patience, and sacrifice, and vulnerability, and tenderness. I don’t care if he was raised in this religion or that religion or no religion—as long as he was raised to value the sacred and to know every moment of life, and every moment of life with you, is deeply sacred. In the end, Little One, if you stumble across a man like that and he and I have nothing else in common, we will have the most important thing in common: You. Because in the end, Little One, the only thing you should have to do to “keep him interested” is to be you. Your eternally interested guy, Daddy

Fuck SCU.

This place is a shithole no matter what I try to do. A money-vacuum shit hole. FUCK. *sigh* well tomorrow it's another trip to settle a score with the devil bursar. In the mean time I guess I need to write my essay about Charles fucking Darwin and how he insulted some Evangelist.

I'm ready for this week to be over.

Suffering in Silence

Well, I'm an idiot, LOL. Today, a really great person went out of his way to come see me. Being so completely self-absorbed, I never thanked him. All I did was bitch about how I wanted to go home...when he wouldn't let go of my keys cause he wanted to hang out and make his trip to see me worth while. This was also the person who left his webcam on all night when I was scared of an episode of Cake Boss and couldn't sleep. This person is so good to me, and means the world to me. I wish I could be the same for him... *sigh* I hope I can make it up to you somehow, honey :(

I miss you...what's up?